It’s surprising but true: some bosses don’t know how to be bosses. They might know their field well, but they don’t know how to work with and manage other people—and it can be a particular problem in technology fields.
Seidman says that this scenario is not unusual and suggests that many people with introverted personalities tend to be drawn to technology-related work in the first place. On top of that, they might never have received training or practice managing people, especially if their technical skills moved them up quickly in their company or organization.
“They came out of school, they were smart, they won awards, they came into companies, they worked their tails off, they got promoted, and their whole lives they’ve always been recognized for their abilities, for their skills,” Seidman says. “But all of a sudden they have to be able to talk to people, to manage people and to evaluate people. In some cases, they just don’t know how to do it.”
“They’re not dumb,” Seidman recognizes, “but just because you’re good at one thing doesn’t mean you’re good at another. In today’s world, you’ve got to be an expert and you’ve got to be a good manager.”
Christine Wilson says that discovering your boss doesn’t know how to be one can be particularly confusing if it happens to you right out of school, when you don’t have a lot of on-the-job experience and confidence yet yourself. “As a new employee, you go in thinking that your boss is supposed to know what to do, and they don’t.” Wilson says she consulted once with a boss who felt frustrated because his employees weren’t giving him reports on what they had been working on each day. She asked if he had simply ever asked them to do this, and he admitted, “No, I never have.”
In cases where your boss isn’t doing—or isn’t able to do—something that seems obvious, Wilson says it might help to accept your boss’s style (or the lack thereof) and learn to work around it.
“Figure out how the boss ticks,” she says. “Ask the boss periodically whether there’s anything else you can be doing. In this world of 24/7, it’s probably also useful to ask your boss what kind of reporting they want from you.” Bosses might not want you to talk to them in person everyday but would appreciate a quick email summary. On the other hand, they might only want to hear when you’ve finished a major project, not in-between. Adapt as much as you can to their style.
“You can’t usually change your boss’s behavior. You can only change yours to deal with what’s there,” says Wilson.
Other Advice
Bad bosses are out there, but some conflicts can be avoided before they occur. Be careful, says Christine Wilson, of “complaining too much about your boss” to people who seem sympathetic but may not be.
“We live in a world where what we’d like to do is blame the boss,” Wilson says, but going too far and seeming like a “malcontent” can damage your career. It’s also important to keep in mind the possibility that your boss might not simply be “bad,” but that “you haven’t figured out how the two of you click.”
One way to prevent or minimize problems is to be absolutely clear about what your boss’s expectations are at the beginning, when you’re starting a new job or project. “I’m a great believer that a person being given a task should take notes and make sure to feedback to the boss what your understanding was.
That gives clarity and confidence that this is what happened at that time.”
When measures like taking notes, trying to adapt to your boss’s style and other methods aren’t enough though, it can be tempting to head out the door.
But what if you can’t leave or if it’s not a wise career move?
“It’s a large problem if you clash with your boss on your first job—you need that reference!” says Joyce Lain Kennedy. “So do your best to grin and bear it until you can escape, then be classy about it. Look as good going away as you did coming in.”
“You might also be learning a great deal despite that awful boss,” says Wilson, who adds that it might just be a matter of hanging in there until you get everything that you can out of the job. For example, says Wilson, “you can just become tougher by noticing that your boss yells at everybody, not just you.”
“Dot every ‘i’ and cross every ‘t’ while you’re looking for the next job,” Wilson says. “You manage your boss by managing yourself.”
Seidman says that this scenario is not unusual and suggests that many people with introverted personalities tend to be drawn to technology-related work in the first place. On top of that, they might never have received training or practice managing people, especially if their technical skills moved them up quickly in their company or organization.
“They came out of school, they were smart, they won awards, they came into companies, they worked their tails off, they got promoted, and their whole lives they’ve always been recognized for their abilities, for their skills,” Seidman says. “But all of a sudden they have to be able to talk to people, to manage people and to evaluate people. In some cases, they just don’t know how to do it.”
“They’re not dumb,” Seidman recognizes, “but just because you’re good at one thing doesn’t mean you’re good at another. In today’s world, you’ve got to be an expert and you’ve got to be a good manager.”
Christine Wilson says that discovering your boss doesn’t know how to be one can be particularly confusing if it happens to you right out of school, when you don’t have a lot of on-the-job experience and confidence yet yourself. “As a new employee, you go in thinking that your boss is supposed to know what to do, and they don’t.” Wilson says she consulted once with a boss who felt frustrated because his employees weren’t giving him reports on what they had been working on each day. She asked if he had simply ever asked them to do this, and he admitted, “No, I never have.”
In cases where your boss isn’t doing—or isn’t able to do—something that seems obvious, Wilson says it might help to accept your boss’s style (or the lack thereof) and learn to work around it.
“Figure out how the boss ticks,” she says. “Ask the boss periodically whether there’s anything else you can be doing. In this world of 24/7, it’s probably also useful to ask your boss what kind of reporting they want from you.” Bosses might not want you to talk to them in person everyday but would appreciate a quick email summary. On the other hand, they might only want to hear when you’ve finished a major project, not in-between. Adapt as much as you can to their style.
“You can’t usually change your boss’s behavior. You can only change yours to deal with what’s there,” says Wilson.
Other Advice
Bad bosses are out there, but some conflicts can be avoided before they occur. Be careful, says Christine Wilson, of “complaining too much about your boss” to people who seem sympathetic but may not be.
“We live in a world where what we’d like to do is blame the boss,” Wilson says, but going too far and seeming like a “malcontent” can damage your career. It’s also important to keep in mind the possibility that your boss might not simply be “bad,” but that “you haven’t figured out how the two of you click.”
One way to prevent or minimize problems is to be absolutely clear about what your boss’s expectations are at the beginning, when you’re starting a new job or project. “I’m a great believer that a person being given a task should take notes and make sure to feedback to the boss what your understanding was.
That gives clarity and confidence that this is what happened at that time.”
When measures like taking notes, trying to adapt to your boss’s style and other methods aren’t enough though, it can be tempting to head out the door.
But what if you can’t leave or if it’s not a wise career move?
“It’s a large problem if you clash with your boss on your first job—you need that reference!” says Joyce Lain Kennedy. “So do your best to grin and bear it until you can escape, then be classy about it. Look as good going away as you did coming in.”
“You might also be learning a great deal despite that awful boss,” says Wilson, who adds that it might just be a matter of hanging in there until you get everything that you can out of the job. For example, says Wilson, “you can just become tougher by noticing that your boss yells at everybody, not just you.”
“Dot every ‘i’ and cross every ‘t’ while you’re looking for the next job,” Wilson says. “You manage your boss by managing yourself.”
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